bored1's Friends

hobo humpin slobo babe, get outta my head!
I dutifully watched the video from

mariepavey as a good member of the community should. Then I did it again. and again. Now the damn song has been stuck in my brain and it won't leave. It acts like it owns the place, constantly demanding my attention and breaking shit and talking bad about the other occupants of my diseased mind.

How do I get this song out?
How to I exact revenge on the band or

mariepavey for poisioning my brain?

Current Mood: restless
Current Music: Hobo humpin slobo babe - Whale

Tiger Woods ad campaign
I have an idea for an ad campaign that I am pitching to Gatorade. They have a Gatorade Tiger product that may be in danger of being pulled due to the Tiger Woods sexcapades. So I have an idea that will use this to sell more gatorade. Here it is... Tiger Woods dressed like Hugh Hefner standing at the Playboy mansion grotto while he is surrounded by his 12 known mistresses wearing bikinis. Tiger smiles and says to the camera: "Hi there... I am Tiger Woods: Golf legend and international playboy. After a long day on the greens playing golf, or after a long night bedding my ladies, I need to replenish my bodily fluids. That is why I drink Gatorade Tiger: Focus. And not only does it quench your thirst, but it helps you stay sharp. That comes in real handy when an angry golf club wielding valkyrie is grilling you about where you have been all night... or on golf course acing that 20 yard put. Gatorade... is it in you? Well if you are a golf groupie... odds are you have had a Tiger in you. Gatorade Tiger that is."

How can I improve this ad idea?

I have been advised to 'Eat shit and die'.

Is this an endearment?
A Christmas greeting?
What does it mean? How do I respond?

Crafty Crapsters,
My boyfriend and I dislike champagne, but would like to celebrate New Year's with a toast of some kind. What alcoholic beverage should we toast with?

4U
Saw this and thought of all of us. Why? Watch the video and see.

Current Music: Listen and see!

Shits! Help me! I want to put on an "unforgettable holiday dinner" for my family, how can I do that? Give me some suggestions: what to serve, where to have it, some of the little decorations and touches which make holiday meals so festive.

Current Mood: quixotic
Current Music: Farty tuba music

I'm trying to find a job that's less shitty than the one I have now, but I'm not having much luck with the internet search engines. I've tried the most obvious search terminology like "careers for apathetic people" and "dead end jobs", but most of the results talk about overcoming apathy, getting energized about your career, or getting out of a dead end job. None of these are things I want to do.

I'm not trying to reinvent the wheel or get my name in the news. All I want is a decent-paying, low-responsibility job that involves minimal human interaction and turns the hours between morning coffee and happy hour into an inky blur. How should I go about doing this?

Mrs H O M has pissed me of f for the last time.
How do I give her the good news she's gonna be single again and to get outta my house??

Dear Faecal Sages Equal of Devon,
I need to assert direction in my life. Do I concentrate my efforts on anarchism, transhumanism and sci-fi. Or do I spend my time involving myself with History, fantasy and d&d?
Huh?

My right foot has been swollen for over a year. I went to a podiatrist a while back and he said I probably injured it (duh) and that the "joint fluid" is probably leaking. He recommended surgery. I can barely afford an office co-pay, let alone any type of surgery. I also have a dog, so I have to be able to walk and won't be able to stay off my feet for any sort of "recovery period." I'm not in any pain.

Pray tell, what would you do in this situation?

Emirs of excrement,

I have to take a shit. I can feel it churning in my bowels. This is going to happen soon whether I like it or not.

But I realized I have no toilet paper. I really have no desire to wipe with my trousers, and I've been drinking too much to make a run to the local convenience store.

What am I to do??

My next move
What should my next move be?

title or description

The good things in life.
I had some yesterday, and it was good. I've also heard it's good for you. What should I do?

im failing e school what do i do

Hail Mary Pass?
Shits! Halp! It's me, Eli Manning, Mariepavey was kind enough to let me use her netbook to fire off a quick SOS. It's It's the second quarter and my team, NY Giants, are not doing too well. We are getting our asses wiped by Philidelphia! What can I do? Give me a lifeline, shittites! I don't want to end the season in the toilet. Gotta go, but tell me what to do!

P.S. This is American football, if you are wondering.

My good shits,

My best friend is going through a relationship rough patch. She broke up with her boyfriend and can't wrap her head around the fact that it's okay to be single for a while. What can I do to convince her?

Always looking for your sterling advice,

bamf_girl

Current Mood: bored
Current Music: "Paparazzi" - Lady Gaga

I find I am not getting sexy times as often as I would like.
How do I get mrs. H to "deliver" more often?

Okay, here's a good one
Dear shitty council,

So, that coffee shop I work at? Well, it has an informal free library. And today, our manager, acting on a suspicion, followed someone out after they borrowed a number of books, and followed him straight to Half Price Books, where he proceeded to try to sell the stack of 'em. >:O

Long story short, we caught him in the act. He's gone now, but we now have his full name, and thanks to Google, we also have his phone number, his home address, we know he's an Army sergeant at Fort Lewis, and we have photos, including his high school yearbook photo from 1990 where he's sporting this major mullet lolz

Considering he's probably ripped us off dozens of times, what should we do with this information? :)

Current Mood: scheming

Dear turdsicles,

I've been working at a coffee shop with this crazy elaborate sound system, with like three boxes and a 400 disc changer and shit. And I always avoided it because, oh man, that is way too much shit to figure out! But just now, I thought, "Okay, I'll give it a shot. Be brave!" And I figured out the entire thing in about .... oh, 15 seconds.

How should I celebrate this most pedestrian of achievements?

Current Music: We gots it!

It Never Ends
Yesterday at work a woman sat in a workspace near mine and played the lite music station all day. And just to make it worse, it was all Christmas songs, the whole goddamn day! Pat Boone, the Carpenters, Jose Feliciano - you name it, I endured it. But that's still not the worst of it. She. Sang. Along.

What am I to do?

Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: Slayer "War Ensemble"

my pulse laser cannon has over heated, my light saber is out of batteries and my sonic blaster is in the shop.
There are BUGS BUGS BUGS coming in the air lock.....WHAT DO I DO???

Christ, now THIS?
Some dipshit brought bedbugs into my workplace. Now a good chunk of the office is closed down, people are being moved from their desks, and we've all been told that we will be unable to store anything in our desks for the next 5-6 weeks, as it might be thrown out during the cleaning.

So what do I do?

Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: Disturbed "Down with the Sickness"

hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go
So - I start some temp work in a toy factory tomorrow - have you got any safety advice I should follow?

Current Mood: busy

Somebody's gonna pay.
So in the past 6 days, 2 of my friends have lost their mothers.

Suffice it to say, I'm pissed. I need to go hunt down whoever's responsible for determining who lives and dies on this planet and beat the fucking shit out of them.

So my questions are:

1) Who's responsible for this shit?
2) How do I find them?
3) Exactly what should I do to them to make it REALLY hurt? Bonus points if it doesn't involve hobos, semen or Special Green.

I have plenty of sperm to spare and would like to donate some to deserving lesbians.
How can i accomplish this task?

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